Pain of Jack’s Passing Eased by Pa’s Smooth Chest

Walnut Grove, Minn.-The recent tragic passing of Jack, beloved dog of the Ingalls family, has been somewhat eased by Charles Ingalls’ smooth chest, sources report.

After dying unexpectedly following a series of misunderstandings with the increasingly independent Laura Ingalls, the dog was discovered by Laura lying motionless in the barn. When Laura’s yelling failed to rouse the dog, she realized something was wrong. After calling for her Pa, a shirtless, glistening Charles Ingalls appeared in the barn.

Long famed for his shirtless appearances, Charles featured a particularly enhanced chest appearance on this day that served as a much needed reminder that despite the pet’s death, there is still beauty in the world.

“When Charles came in to tell me about Jack, well of course I was sad,” Caroline Ingalls relates, “but Charles’ chest definitely lessened the pain. He had been working outside so he was freshly glistening, and, well, it just makes everything a little bit better. It was really a fitting tribute to Jack as well. After all, who has put on more miles than Jack has walking behind our wagon? Why, the razor across Charles’ chest, of course.”

Other residents of Walnut Grove can confirm the commendability of the Ingalls patriarch’s chest. 

“Why, Charles is one of my favorite patients,” Doc Baker reports. “He’s always bringing me regular business, what with all those daughters of his and his frequent injuries that always seem to occur around his arms or his ribs. Anyway, most of his injuries require shirt removal, so I’m pretty familiar with shirtless Charles. You can’t deny that the man is in shape.”

Nels Oleson concurs with the doctor. “Harriet is always coming down hard on farmers, but you have to admit, all that manual labor has kept Charles in tip top shape for his shirtless escapades,” Nels comments. “The only time I ever came close to being in that kind of shape was when I played football back in college, but even then my chest was a far cry from the chest Charles sports.”

While some detractors may think Charles relishes too much in displaying his chest, Caroline is quick to point out that he maintains a sense of decorum. “He did put on a shirt when we buried Jack,” Caroline reports. “Charles Ingalls is nothing if not respectful.”

When asked for his comments, Charles acknowledged that while it was too bad that Jack died, he “was having a good chest day.”