Albert Has Second Bad Experience With Pipe

Walnut Grove, Minn.-Recent reports following the fundraiser picnic at the School for the Blind indicate that Albert Ingalls has suffered his second bad experience smoking a pipe.

Previously, Albert dabbled in pipe smoking when he used Charles’ pipe while he and Laura watched the house in the absence of their parents. According to Albert, he just wanted to try it hoping it would make him look and feel more grown up. As Laura pointed out, however, the only thing smoking the pipe accomplished was to turn Albert a shade of green.

“I thought that would be it for pipe smoking for Albert,” Laura tells The Prairie Review. “I never saw the appeal of smoking myself, although Pa sure does seem to love his pipe. It doesn’t turn him green, though.”

Likewise noting how much Charles enjoyed his pipe, Albert affirmed that he thought there must be something to this smoking business. “I thought to myself, ‘why in the world would Pa smoke it every night if it was so unenjoyable?’ Maybe it just didn’t sit right with me that first time. So anyway, when my friend said we should steal that old guy’s pipe and smoke it in the basement of the blind school, I thought it was worth a go. I told myself that this would be the last trial, though–either I would like it this time, or if it went badly, I would just give up trying.”

Although Albert successfully indulged in smoking the pipe without turning green–which Albert confirmed had raised his hopes that he could turn into a smoker after all–he and his friend failed to extinguish the pipe before exiting the basement upon Hester Sue’s arrival. This incident was quickly forgotten until after dark when the school shot up in flames. Tragically, the fire cost not only the school itself, but the lives of Alice Garvey and the child of Albert’s sister, Mary, and her husband, Adam.

“I guess pipe smoking just ain’t for me,” Albert said when asked for his comments. “If turning green the first time wasn’t sign enough for me, burning down the blind school sure was. I just don’t know how Pa does it. How does he smoke every night without problems?”

At press time, Albert was searching for a different recreational drug to sample.